it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
