I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize