new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
