It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
