Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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