i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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