what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
