Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
