Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
this hospital has no fireball
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
