so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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