PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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