thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
