Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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