A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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