ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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