4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
