I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
