there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
