I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
