Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
