physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
