Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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