I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
