My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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