I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
