Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
