Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
