Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
