ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
