I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
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All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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