this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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