You can't motorboat a personality
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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