I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize