I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Even my vagina gasped.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Randomize
