We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
