That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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