3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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