My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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