We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just want to make out with him forever
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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