where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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