tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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