You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
