Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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