I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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