I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
how drunk are you?
Several
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
