Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
