we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
