I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
