This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
