dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
