those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
