Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
