So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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