This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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