I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
