I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
