I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
