You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
