Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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