OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
