She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
