found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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