Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
