If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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