I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
