Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize