sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
