I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
